


It hurts and it hurts and it hurts

by magicalcookie664



Category: Doctor Who
Genre: Angst, Crying, Fluff, Hurt, Hurt/Comfort, Kissing, Sad Eleven, i wrote this at night, on my only goes black and white kindle, river being a good wifey, sleeping
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-13
Updated: 2019-10-13
Packaged: 2020-12-14 20:34:10
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 902
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21021857
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/magicalcookie664/pseuds/magicalcookie664
Summary: Eleven isnt okay …… but we know this already. River finds him breaking down in the middle of the night and tries her best to be a good wifey.I wrote this on my black and white really slow responding kindle at night its not going to be quality my apologies.





	It hurts and it hurts and it hurts

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this because Im really conflicted right now and going back into my old coping mechanisms of all nighters reading tons of angst and projecting shit onto my babies from my multiple fandoms. Basically gqlqxy needs help. (Thats my nickname okay ). I have school tomorrow wish me luck lol I am in love with this ship there needs to be more River x Eleven angst out here honestly. I apologise for any spelling mistakes my kindle is so hard to type on.

It's midnight, and the doctor feels like crying. The sadness is so great it feels as if it's pushing down against his chest, a horrible crushing weight sowly suffocating him. He can't breathe. Glancing at River's peaceful sleeping form resting beside him, he moves to get off of the bed, determined to remain strong in font of his beloved. Tears burn in his eyes and he is forced to squeeze his eyes tightly shut in a pathetic attempt to keep his emotions inside. He stumbles out of the bedroom, his entire body shaking from the strain of suppressing such gargantuine amounts of pain. As soon as he reaches the hallway his legs give way beneath him, sending him sliding to the floor. 

He covers his mouth with his palm as a choked sob pulls itself from his mouth. His eyes remain shut as tears push through the tiny gaps between his eyes and his lids. They streak down his cheeks, wet and gross and weak and embarrassing. He's a Time Lord, a superior species…… yet-look at him, utterly weak and broken and pathetic. Amy and Rory are gone because of him, because he selfishly kept them around in fear of being alone. He's a black hole, constantly sucking everything towards him and annihilating it all. 

"I'm sorry!" he sobs out, curling into a shivering ball on the cold TARDIS floor as tears spill down his pale cheeks, dripping uselessly off of his chin. He balls his hands up into fists, pushing them against his eyesockets as he tries to wipe the frightened expressions of all of his previous companions from his retinas. He knows he's not dying, but it feels like he is. Everything around him suddenly becomes tol bright, the usuallg comforting hum of the TARDIS too loud for him to be able to bear. 

And this is how it happens, at the quietest hour of the night in the most lonely place in existence. He's been hoarding too much emotion for too long and he can't physically contain it any longer. Humans come and go, withering and melting away before his very eyes. He loses and he loses and he loses and it hurts and it hurts and it hurts.He curves further into himelf, pained whimpers tearing themselves from his lips as he begins to claw at his chest, trying to tear out whatever it is that is causing him so much pain. His nails rip into his shirt, cutting into his skin in thin frantic slashes. His mind is elsewhere though, pulling him into another torrent of unbearable thoughts and images. He can't breathe.

~

River wakes up to grey darkness and the sound of someone sobbing. She sits up in bed, frowning when she notices the empty space beside her. She yawns, sliding off of the bed slowly. She winces when her feet hit the cold floor. She was not expecting that by any means. She walks softly across the room and passes through the door leading to the small slightly better lit corridor. 

She spots the doctor almost immediately. He's pressed up against the left wall, a shuddering curled up lump of a person. He's sobbing and whimpering, His arms wrapped around his head, clutching it as if in pain. 

Her expresson softens, and she lets out a small sad sigh. She creeps towards the doctor, a little unsure what to do, her actions fuelled with sympathy and love. "Oh, sweetie…" she whispers, kneeling down beside him and tentatively reaching out to touch his shaking shoulder,"It's okay…" She knows it's a lie, but it's the best she can bring herself to say at the moment.

The doctor twitches at that, responding to her voice. "River?" he gasps out, his voice choked in pain. 

"Mhm?" she responds, threading her fingers through his tousled hair, worried beyond belief about her doctor.

"I miss them……" he sobs, leaning into her touch, his face locating it's place on her shoulder, pressed against the fabric of her soft jumper. 

She knows who he's talking about without asking;of course she does. Amy and Rory, her parents and best friends of the doctor. "I miss them too, sweetie," she murmurs, touching a delicate kiss to his forehead.

"It hurts, River," he mumbles in reply, utterly giving up on trying to be strong.There is no point in fighting it;he's unravelling in front of her, breaking apart, his shields crumbling into multiple little pieces.

"i know… Trust me, I know," She whispers, cradling his head against her chest as her fingers rub soothing patterns on his scalp. 

He does'nt say anything in reply, just buries his face in River's neck as she peppers him with tiny kisses and tells him that everything will be okay. He knows it won't be, but, just for tonight, he allows himself to almost believe her words so he can get some sleep.

River sighs sadly as she glances down at the doctor's now sleeping form. She'll carry him back to the room in a few minutes when she can bring herself to move. She'll have to return to te prison soon, and she knows she'll feel terrible about having to leave him like this. Sometimes knowing what's to come feels like such a cruel curse. Knowing there will be pain without the ability to prevent it is the worst feeling in the universe… except perhaps loneliness.


End file.
